the condition of feeling one’s emotional and psychological identity as male or female to be opposite to one’s biological sex.“It feels like a performance. Like every moment of every day of your entire lifeyou are reading from a script that you only half-understand. Like you are playing a part in a stage production where everyone else has their lines flawlessly memorized but you have forgotten what your character was supposed to do and say.
It feels like a part of you is caged, locked away inside, and is howling to be released. Like you have voluntarily shoved your arms into shackles and your neck in a collar, which cannot be removed. Like every natural instinct is hobbled and restricted and micromanaged. Like you must fight every natural urge whether big or small every moment, from your posture to your voice to your facial expressions to your career choices and romantic relationships.
It’s like being both puppetmaster and marionette. Like viewing the world from behind the eyeslit of a suit of armor; one crafted by your own hand. Forever set apart from the world and everyone in it. Knowing that the world finds interacting with the puppet more enjoyable than ever knowing the puppeteer. Knowing that showing your true self means risking every relationship you’ve ever had, whether private or public; professional or personal. Hiding even the knowledge of that irony from everyone around you on a daily basis.
It is torture.”